Ever I will sing only You will I adore
Glorify my Lord only You will I serve
For the world will fade away
Still my song to You remains
Only You will I adore

- “Adonai” by Hillsong

Was listening and singing along to this song when it struck me that I couldn’t mean what I was saying. I cannot honestly say that “only You will I adore” or “only You will I serve” when there are still so many idols in my life and areas which I cannot relinquish control of. Then again, how many times do I actually mean the words of the songs I sing during worship? Again, not many. (it might even be never at all!)

Does that make me the biggest hypocrite on earth, for all the times I’ve raised my hands and arms in worship? I am the biggest liar after all; pretending that my worship is free, total, full and fruitful when it is in fact a shell for my own sinfulness and shame.

Perhaps.

But could it rather be a desperate cry for His forgiveness and healing? A recognition that yes; I am broken, I am weak, I am miserable, and I need Him. The raised arms identify and expose the sinner within. The hands reach out to the Father in a futile attempt to grasp and cling on to the love which is already being poured into our hearts each and every day. This is the paradox (again, I love Catholicism!); the ones that seem the closest to God are the ones who are the furthest away. However, those who are willing to face this honestly will be the first ones to return home. We often forget that it was the prodigal son who returned home first, before the elder son.

So yes, I am a sinner. And so are you. But more than anything, we are loved sinners. And with that understanding we take the first step home.

Thoughts and ramblings inspired by “Forgetten Among the Lilies” by Fr Ronald Rolheiser